blake lively and the plight of the annoying woman
Brain rot is a fundamental state of being nowadays. As much as I yearn to be an intellectual and an aesthete, I spend more hours staring at celebrity gossip Reddit threads than reading or writing or literally anything else. So color me shocked when I saw that Blake Lively sued Justin Baldoni for sexual harassment and retaliation last week. Baldoni directed and co-starred with Lively in It Ends With Us, a Colleen Hoover adaptation centered on an abusive relationship. Yeah. Absurd.
But nothing’s absurd in Lively’s 62-page complaint (and additional exhibits of evidence) published by The New York Times. She details the rampant harassment she faced at the hands of Baldoni and the film’s co-producer Jamey Heath over months of shooting the film. Peeping Tom behavior; barging in on her breastfeeding and changing; forcing her to be nearly nude for a PG-13 rated childbirth scene (wait, the movie’s PG-13, why the hell does she have to be naked?) and making her beg for a cover-up in between takes. Heinous.
That’s barely scratching the surface of what happened to her, not to mention other female co-workers. In response, Lively had Baldoni, Heath, and their production company Wayfarer Studios comply with a written agreement that restricted every type of harassment you can think of against everybody on that set. They needed a legal document to codify and restrict their perversion. Give me a break.
So, what do you think Baldoni did after the shoot ended? Contemplate his actions and make amends, a response he emphasizes in his Male Feminist Media Empire? No. Of course not. He hires Johnny Depp’s PR messiahs and sets out to destroy her credibility. And where could he accomplish this mission? Why, Reddit threads of course. Amongst other social platforms. But Reddit threads were specifically highlighted in subpoenaed text messages from these PR gurus. Seriously. See for yourself. Page 44. It’s all there. They were just “crushing it” on there.
But I knew that already. I did! I watched them “crush it” this past summer. On Fauxmoi and popculturechat, the threads I frequent the most, snarkers reveled in the reboot to the Don’t Worry Darling BTS drama. Poor Justin, shoved out of his own movie, strong-armed by Lively and her megawatt husband Ryan Reynolds. Poor poor Justin, cut off by the cast who craved an allyship with a Hollywood power couple over the man devoted to the issue of domestic violence. What the hell was Blake doing? Shilling a haircare line? Grabbing her florals? Gross! See that dissonance? fellow snarkers asked one another. Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee how out of touch, how selfish, how borderline cruel this lady is? What is wrong with her? Justin would never put a foot in his mouth. Never! He’s too sensitive and dreamy 🥰
Except that’s exactly what the Sony PR dossier instructed her to do. Her and the rest of the cast. See Exhibit C, babe. It’s all there. Don’t focus on domestic violence, they said. It’s an uplifting story of resilience, one where you can grab your florals and pull up to the nearest AMC with the besties. Oh brother. Whoever those Sony dummies are made it easy for Baldoni to throw Lively under the bus. And my god did he throw her hard. Lively’s reputation died in the gutter. We on the Reddit threads danced on the grave of the goodwill she had failed to foment. And I mean “we.” I’m implicated, too.
If you were to ask me only a few weeks ago how I felt about Blake Lively, I’d say she’s pretty irritating. Not full blown villain, but annoying enough where I’d cringe at a picture of her. Some of my reasoning was petty. She acts like Taylor Swift’s professional coattail rider, always tagging along while that lady stops the world in its tracks for a pap walk. And her husband? Her HUSBAND? Mortal enemy #1. I could write a thesis paper on how that man is the personification of the Death of Cinema. Their cheesy Relatability shtick single-handedly made me lactose intolerant.
But that’s not fair! You cry out from the crowd. Just because she’s associated with polarizing figures doesn’t mean she’s out of whack. OK, I hear you, so this is where I introduce the actual insidious reason: plantation wedding. In 2012, Lively and Reynolds got married at the Boone Hall Plantation in South Carolina, one of the oldest plantations in the United States. Reynolds publicly apologized for their venue choice in 2020 and the couple jointly announced a $200,000 donation to the NAACP Legal Defense Fund. Which, good, they should, but don’t celebrate the happiest day of your life at a site of unspeakable horror and violence in the first place. Food for thought, guys.
My opinion of her turbo-charged into hell during the nightmare press run for It Ends With Us. Interview after interview, soundbite after soundbite, past present future, she fumbled the serious topic of her film. Combined with reports of her “poor attitude” and alleged control freak behavior on set, she was cooked. I scanned the threads, agreed with the dogpile. Primary charge? Being a so-called “mean girl.” Throw some strays at Ryan and you’ve bought my complicity in your campaign, no questions asked.
“Mean girl” accusations is what really got me after shit hit the fan last Monday. It’s so funny, and so fascinating, watching grown women revert back to the semantics of high school social dynamics. The vitriol was not founded upon rational judgements of character (i.e. plantation wedding, tone deaf dismissal of abuse, etc.) The vitriol was fueled because she seemed like a bitch. She acted like one. She simply reminded women of their childhood bullies enough that they went on the nuclear offensive for a man they’ve never met.
We hate women. Yes, we do. Ask Baldoni’s PR team. They know. Page 45. But maybe the flip side of it, the toxic yin to this yang, is that we are desperate for men to be good. Mean girls versus babygirls, to parlay into internetspeak. We couldn’t have Hollywood heartthrob Johnny Depp be a wife beater. That can’t possibly be true! He’s too handsome! Too charming! At least he used to be, like thirty years ago! But no matter, he’s a man, that still holds. So we vilify his abused ex-wife and ignore the Rolling stone profile that painted him in his truest, most pathetic colors. Baldoni cited the recent hate tsunami against Hailey Bieber as a model for the Blake smear (Page 8). And why wouldn’t he? We couldn’t handle our middle school crush Justin Bieber admit that he was abusive in every relationship he had, so we pitted popular girls Hailey and Selena against each other, waiting rabidly for the moment they’d tear each other apart.
And this Justin, Justin Baldoni, my god, this might be the wildest mask-off moment yet. Do you know how far his Male Feminist Media Empire goes? He hosts “The Man Enough Podcast” with Wayfarer CEO/fellow harasser Heath and journalist Liz Plank (who departed the show in light of Lively’s complaint.) The podcast seeks to “explore what it means to be a man today and how rigid gender roles have affected all people.” The most recent interview guest was FKA Twigs, an artist who is suffering through her own court battle with her abuser. The podcast spun off into the book Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity (2021) and was preceded by the TED talk “Why I’m done trying to be man enough” (2017). The talk has over 11 million views between Youtube and the TED website. Not to mention Wayfarer Studios itself, a company dedicated to producing “inspirational stories that act as true agents for social change.”
This wasn’t supposed to happen, right? Not just in a fundamental sense. Justin’s image does not fit the crime. His persona was the emotionally available, thoughtful, SEXY guy we swoon over in the romance genre. The guy who gets his partner intuitively. The guy who strives to make her world safer, happier, better. The guy who happens to be hot as fuck while all this is happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It just wasn’t. Because what does it mean when the archetype comes to life and spends its sentience harassing female co-workers? What do we take away from the fallout? Trust no man? No matter what? How bleak.
Maybe not. Maybe we reverse our line of thinking. Eradicate the essentialism. Take survivors at their word, regardless of gender, circumstances, and sins previously committed. Hate to say it, but I don’t know if nuance adds anything to a testimony like this. If it actually helps us see the full scope of the situation, believe the facts given, send genuine support to the person who actually needs it.
I mean, I still gave it to you. The nuance. Listed Lively's past transgressions, both serious and silly, as well as Baldoni’s feminist facade. To show you I’m well-rounded in my analysis. To show you I’m ~smart.~ To show you I can paint a full picture. But does it all really matter in this context of sexual harassment and retaliation? Not to get all Catholic on you again, but sometimes things are just Morally Wrong No Matter How Much I Inject Other Facts And Events Into It.
Who cares if Blake is cringey or gives off “mean girl” energy? Those men made her life miserable! For months! And nothing- not her decades-long career in the industry, not her millionaire husband, not her billionaire bestie, not the cast, not the crew, not Colleen Hoover, not Sony Entertainment, NOTHING could stop Baldoni and Heath from doing whatever they wanted to her and the other women they harassed. Because it was their company, their set, their parameters from the start. Call me crazy, but maybe that should be the central focus. If Blake Lively, at the highest echelon of status, wealth, and privilege, can’t get treated with basic human decency, there is no hope for the rest of us mere mortals trudging away at the bottom.
Let’s be real. I’ve been irritating, stand-offish, and a huge asshole at different points in my life. Mistakes made, offenses committed, feelings hurt. And I’m not sure what I’d do if something as awful as this whole saga happened to me, and the general public’s first response was to recount my rap sheet in addition to thoughts and prayers.
All this to say - how can we create the perfect victim? Please, let me know. I’m so curious. It seems like perfection is what we all need to ratify these charges. To say yes, all this happened to that person right there. That woman. Blake Lively. What else can she do to convince us all that what happened to her was real and wrong? The evidence is in front of us. Collected, organized, and filed as properly as you can get. The New York Times is on the case. Published and publicized, traumatized memories out on display. Yet there are still people on the Internet charging her as Amber 2.0. As if it’s an epithet. Does nuance damage credibility? Can we really hold two truths in the same hands at once? Or will one always outweigh the other? Is salaciousness heavier than violation? Do we care less about her suffering because she’s annoying? Justin and his PR team wanted you to think so. Look how well that turned out.
What I Watched/Read
Baltasar and Blimunda, José Saramago
Bought this for one dollar outside of the Midwest Buddhist Temple at an outdoor book sale like six years ago and finally got around to it now. I loved Blindness and I think it’s safe to declare that he’s one of my favorite authors now (at least I think I can? Not sure what the standard number of books is lol). Saramago was tailor-made for me. Lighthearted humor, a dissection of Catholic thoughts and imagery, horny horny horny. Great stuff! His novel topics and writing style is always so unique, and the last line just about shattered my heart in the most perfect way possible.
The Bostonians, Henry James
Picked this up because Brandon Taylor did an analysis of it in his Substack and I have not even dared to open my email until I’ve finished it. Par for the course, he always has the best recommendations. This one, however, is stressing me OUT. Not to say it isn’t brilliant (it is!) and it’s fun to read a book set in a place I know very well (Boston. Obvi.) But the central conflict??? YIKES. YIKESSSSSSSSSS. All I can say is Verena Tarrant You Need To Stand Up.
Conclave, dir. Edward Berger
Are we surprised? No. Absolutely silly Catholic fan-fiction, but still very fun! Stanley Tucci are you free later…
Twisters, dir. Lee Isaac Chung
Mixed thoughts. Loved to see a follow-up from Chung after Minari, and I think he did well for his first “big” movie. As much as I loved her in Normal People, Daisy Edgar-Jones quite simply cannot carry a blockbuster. I’m sorry! She can’t! A little too muted for the big screen. Ate up every time by Mr. Glen Powell, Charisma God. Was personally excited to watch Brandon Perea on screen again as well- I developed a huge crush on him from Nope and my love has stayed strong 🫡
Krampus, dir. Michael Dougherty
Bad in a good way! Obsessed that Toni Collette gives an Oscar-worthy performance no matter how silly the movie is. Also made me realize that Adam Scott is consistently great in everything he’s in? Must watch Severance.
Inception, dir. Christopher Nolan
If this movie has no detractors I am six feet under. Stupid. Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid. Why would anyone ever consider this competent, much less incredible. I cannot stress enough how bizarre it is to watch characters monologue mountains of exposition at each other and have that exposition make absolutely no sense at the same time. Literally HOW do you get overly-informational and illogical concurrently. And I knew there was a joke that Christopher Nolan can’t write female characters for shit, but to have the ~dead wife~ get driven to suicide by her husband? And have said husband get a happy ending? So dark. Jesus Christ. Christopher Edward Nolan when I catch you!!! UGH. Only redeeming qualities were the gorgeous gorgeous visuals, insane melding of CGI/practical effects, and Nolan’s perpetual crush on Cillian Murphy because that man looked beautiful. Maybe that’s why it gets so many five stars? Only reason that makes sense to me.
great read.